Things I never thought I'd say

Here's a list of ridiculous things myself and my husband have said over the last 2 years, or heard others say to their children, or things I imagine have been said by a mum at some point. Please do add your own gems in the comments box!

• (Me to my twins) "Stop working as a team!"
• (Overheard in a supermarket) "If you don't stop it, it's chicken and pesto!"
• "No thank you, I don't need any help... but could you just tuck that teddy/changing mat/dirty nappy under my chin?"
• "What is it? A bogey? Just wipe it on mummy's skirt, darling"
• (Me to my son) "If you headbutt me again you're going on the step". Like one headbutt is acceptable??!
• (Me to my husband) "What do you mean 'is it clean?', I have no idea! Sniff it!"
• "Is that chocolate, or poo?"
• (Me to my son, again) "Stop headbutting the floor"
• "Oh look: you're naked!"
• "Oh good: you've both got your socks on your hands now"
• (A mum in a playground to her child on top of the climbing frame) "If you don't get down right now, Christmas is cancelled!"
• (My husband to our son) "How clever; you've taken your nappy off. Again."
• (My husband to me at 6am) "We've had a lie-in!"
• (Me to a total stranger in Starbucks) "Excuse me, could you just hold this for me?" *hands stranger a baby*
• (Fellow twin mum after hers had both sat in a puddle) "Right, well you're going home naked then"
• (My husband through sleep-deprived bleary eyes) "I just can't imagine them being awake and not crying"
• (Me whilst changing a dirty nappy and trying to hold the other twin back from crawling into it) "Your brother's poo is not a toy"