Monday, 9 November 2015

The Daily Grind

Anytime from 4:30-6:00 - gently wake up to bloodcurdling screaming from toddler. Put toddler in bed next to me, close eyes and pretend my life isn't happening.

After 20 minutes - toddler is bored and screaming/putting her finger up my nose. Time to relocate.

6:00 - Downstairs. Cbeebies.

6:30 - Twins appear and lie on sofas like they're hungover.

6:45 - Make cup of tea. Forget about it.

7:00 - Tempt them away from the television with breakfast. Have 10 minute argument about various breakfast options.

7:30 - Everybody upstairs. Lay out uniforms, say "get dressed" 56 times. Dress toddler in 3 different locations at a slight trot.

7:45 - Remember cup of tea, place in microwave, forget about it. Have shower, get dressed, wonder why I'm bothering.

8:00-8:30 - Unknown lost minutes.

8:35 - Run around the house shouting "teeth!", "shoes!"

8:40 - School run.

9:10 - Home. Cbeebies. Clear away breakfast things, tidy living room, answer texts, panic about dinner.

10:00 - Playgroup. Drink tea, chat, compare vile toddler behaviours, all the while feeling guilty that I'm not at home ironing/sorting out the crap drawer.

12:00 - Home. Make lunch, toddler throws lunch around, put lunch in bin. Give toddler crisps for lunch. Cbeebies. Guilt.

12:30 - Put toddler in bed. Creep downstairs. Pray. At light speed have lunch, empty dishwasher, panic about dinner, clean sink, treat myself to a solo wee, blog, crochet, feel guilty about crocheting and blogging.

13:30 - Toddler decides she misses me and screams her face off.

13:40 - Still screaming.

13:50 - Toddler is quiet with a dummy, muslin, biscuit and cuddly toy, on my lap watching Keeping up with the Kardashians #parentinggoals.

14:30 - Wrestle toddler into pushchair.

14:40 - School run.

15:00 - Attempt to settle 174 arguments on the way home as both twins tell me about their day at exactly the same time.

15:10 - Television goes on. Guilt. Unload washing machine, discover 2-day-old dryer full of clothes, transfer dry clothes to ironing basket, forget about them for 2 weeks.

16:30 - Make dinner.

17:00 - Present dinner to children. Have the following exchange:

Child: I hate this dinner!
Me: Don't eat it then
Child: But I want pudding!
Me: Eat your dinner then
Child: I hate this dinner!

Repeat.

17:30 - Vow to do something creative and stimulating before bedtime. Consult Pinterest, prepare resources, gather children, begin.

17:35 - Television goes on. Guilt.

18:00 - Put toddler in bath. Shout "bathtime" downstairs 246 times.

18:10 - Run downstairs to get twins, all the time imagining the toddler drowning in the bath.

18:15 - Everybody is in the bath. Settle various disputes about soap, shampoo, splashing, bath toys, saying "bum" and the amount of bath space available. Sing bathtime song until children request that I stop.

18:25 - Bath comes to a natural conclusion when toddler does a poo. Get everyone out, into pyjamas and back downstairs.
In The Night Garden. Relative peace.

18:50 - Toddler starts losing her shit. Girl twin is performing enthusiastic gymnastics in the living room, boy twin is screaming that he can't see the television.

19:00 - Put toddler to bed.

19:15-19:45 - Put twins to bed (I know that this shouldn't take half an hour. I know).

19:45 - Wash 2 saucepans while cooking dinner (again) and run a cloth around the sink so that it looks like I've achieved something today.

20:00 - Husband returns home. Give 3-minute synopsis of day. Open wine.

20:30 - Find cup of tea in microwave.

21:30 - Remember the bath is still full of poo.

22:00 - Collapse into bed. Try to convince myself that tomorrow might be different (spoiler alert: it isn't!)



1 comment:

  1. Haha, this made me laugh so much! My twins are 2 so pretty much all of this rang true apart from the school run. Poo in the bath has happened far too often...

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