Monday 9 November 2015

The Daily Grind

Anytime from 4:30-6:00 - gently wake up to bloodcurdling screaming from toddler. Put toddler in bed next to me, close eyes and pretend my life isn't happening.

After 20 minutes - toddler is bored and screaming/putting her finger up my nose. Time to relocate.

6:00 - Downstairs. Cbeebies.

6:30 - Twins appear and lie on sofas like they're hungover.

6:45 - Make cup of tea. Forget about it.

7:00 - Tempt them away from the television with breakfast. Have 10 minute argument about various breakfast options.

7:30 - Everybody upstairs. Lay out uniforms, say "get dressed" 56 times. Dress toddler in 3 different locations at a slight trot.

7:45 - Remember cup of tea, place in microwave, forget about it. Have shower, get dressed, wonder why I'm bothering.

8:00-8:30 - Unknown lost minutes.

8:35 - Run around the house shouting "teeth!", "shoes!"

8:40 - School run.

9:10 - Home. Cbeebies. Clear away breakfast things, tidy living room, answer texts, panic about dinner.

10:00 - Playgroup. Drink tea, chat, compare vile toddler behaviours, all the while feeling guilty that I'm not at home ironing/sorting out the crap drawer.

12:00 - Home. Make lunch, toddler throws lunch around, put lunch in bin. Give toddler crisps for lunch. Cbeebies. Guilt.

12:30 - Put toddler in bed. Creep downstairs. Pray. At light speed have lunch, empty dishwasher, panic about dinner, clean sink, treat myself to a solo wee, blog, crochet, feel guilty about crocheting and blogging.

13:30 - Toddler decides she misses me and screams her face off.

13:40 - Still screaming.

13:50 - Toddler is quiet with a dummy, muslin, biscuit and cuddly toy, on my lap watching Keeping up with the Kardashians #parentinggoals.

14:30 - Wrestle toddler into pushchair.

14:40 - School run.

15:00 - Attempt to settle 174 arguments on the way home as both twins tell me about their day at exactly the same time.

15:10 - Television goes on. Guilt. Unload washing machine, discover 2-day-old dryer full of clothes, transfer dry clothes to ironing basket, forget about them for 2 weeks.

16:30 - Make dinner.

17:00 - Present dinner to children. Have the following exchange:

Child: I hate this dinner!
Me: Don't eat it then
Child: But I want pudding!
Me: Eat your dinner then
Child: I hate this dinner!

Repeat.

17:30 - Vow to do something creative and stimulating before bedtime. Consult Pinterest, prepare resources, gather children, begin.

17:35 - Television goes on. Guilt.

18:00 - Put toddler in bath. Shout "bathtime" downstairs 246 times.

18:10 - Run downstairs to get twins, all the time imagining the toddler drowning in the bath.

18:15 - Everybody is in the bath. Settle various disputes about soap, shampoo, splashing, bath toys, saying "bum" and the amount of bath space available. Sing bathtime song until children request that I stop.

18:25 - Bath comes to a natural conclusion when toddler does a poo. Get everyone out, into pyjamas and back downstairs.
In The Night Garden. Relative peace.

18:50 - Toddler starts losing her shit. Girl twin is performing enthusiastic gymnastics in the living room, boy twin is screaming that he can't see the television.

19:00 - Put toddler to bed.

19:15-19:45 - Put twins to bed (I know that this shouldn't take half an hour. I know).

19:45 - Wash 2 saucepans while cooking dinner (again) and run a cloth around the sink so that it looks like I've achieved something today.

20:00 - Husband returns home. Give 3-minute synopsis of day. Open wine.

20:30 - Find cup of tea in microwave.

21:30 - Remember the bath is still full of poo.

22:00 - Collapse into bed. Try to convince myself that tomorrow might be different (spoiler alert: it isn't!)



2 comments:

  1. Haha, this made me laugh so much! My twins are 2 so pretty much all of this rang true apart from the school run. Poo in the bath has happened far too often...

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  2. Hi,

    I just wanted to let you know that when I had my twins your blog was my sanity haven. It gave me the comfort to know I'm not alone and there are going to be hot moments and the most joyous and wonderful moments too.. This comes in a bit late (just 9 years have passed) in this post but just wanted you to know you have been very inspirational and helpful to me.

    Virtual hugs and thank you

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